| How Can You Be So Happy While I Am Sad And Broken Down? |
[Sep. 10th, 2006|02:41 am] |
I had the worst bedhead this morning. I had to straighten it before work, it was so bad.
This morning I had a craving for blueberry pancakes. So I made my mom take me to Acme (I drove up to Rt. 100!!!) and I got blueberries and lemon juice. And really good Ciabatta bread and spinach leaves and a ball of mozzerella for sandwiches. It was quite delicious.
I slept from 8-11 Saturday. That's a lot, for me.
I need to make plans for tomorrow. Fuck it.
I got to do register all night at work. So that was interesting. $4 in tips.
Damnit.
I'm tired of this. |
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| This War Is Crazy, I Won't Let You Down. |
[Sep. 6th, 2006|10:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  determined | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Alive With The Glory of Love- Say Anything (STFU IT'S GOOD) | ] |
Well, I missed the bus this morning for Impact, so I was like fuck that, and I went back to sleep. I woke up at 11:30, went to take a shower, when I hear "MIR??!!??!?!?!"
And then I realized: Shit man, I just skipped school.
So my mom was totally pissed. But then I talked to her and she called Impact and the therapist there said she doesn't know why I was recommended into the program, that I don't need it, that I can transfer out soon. (OMG YAY.) So I just have to finish up this week, then possibly by Monday I'll be back at East!!! Woot!!!
In other news, I was going through my mother's jewelry/random shit drawer, and she's letting me borrow this really cool sandstone pendant necklace with a seal etched/painted on it from her grandma from Alaska. And also this siiiick belt with an antique 70's belt buckle, it's gold and has this awesome stone in it. Yeah.
I think that's all. |
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| Where Do You Put All The Leftover You? |
[Sep. 5th, 2006|10:48 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Where Does The Good Go- Tegan And Sara | ] |
How do you know when to let go?
I know. I'm genious! No but really. I've done it! I was so doubtful I could, then I did.
I get so upset about these things for no reason. I don't wake up alone! I have Schmee. I don't need to worry so much! Everything will be OK. I don't need to want a boy so bad! I should enjoy not being tied to anyone.
Truth is, I'm actually fine on my own. I just like to pretend that I'm not and go looking for someone to fill the void that I made up for them. Does that make any sense?
I'm not saying that I won't consider it if someone pops up. But now, the search is officially off.
=D |
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| You're Talking To Her Now |
[Sep. 5th, 2006|07:01 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Ode To Divorce- Regina Spektor | ] |
I DON'T WANT TO GO TO IMPACT.
I feel sick.
I felt sick yesterday too.
BUT I did find 2 really nice lighters, they just need to be refilled, but they're very nice.
I dyed part of my hair blue. It'll wash out, but at least I used actual hair stuff, not food coloring.
I'm lonely. I hate feeling like I have so much to give and no one to give it to. |
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| Maybe You Should Just Kiss Someone Nice |
[Sep. 4th, 2006|01:24 am] |
So, things didn't work and then worked out after all.
Amanda and Corey and Rachel came to Britta's house! And we went and graffitied under the bridge. And then Britta lost her cell phone, again. We have to go look for it in the morning.
I had the worst day at work today, ever. I hate having to do floor and dishes and making cookies and scooping sour cream all at once. NOT fun. I'm so domestically challenged in the first place, so why do I even bother. I'm not cut out for a job. =[
And, new realization today. I know what I want. I just need a gameplan to get it. Things weren't feeling right but I can fix that. |
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| Boy, I Want To Be With You |
[Sep. 3rd, 2006|12:50 am] |
You know how when you want something and you know you can't have it, and it makes you want it more? I get that a lot, but then I realize, fuck, I really can't have it, why even bother. Life is about wanting things and getting things and having hopes and having thoughts and having people. Life is about love and loss and sorrow and any other emotions you can get yourself to feel.
I realized that my problem is not keeping my hopes up. I only pursue that which I know I can attain. Anything else I just give up on. I tell myself it's about not wanting to waste time, life is short. But really, I'm afraid of commiting to something and losing it. I'm afraid of not getting what I want. And I'm afraid of the unattainable. Because it's only unattainable because I don't want to work for it.
I complain about being single, but I'm single because I don't pursue boys. And I don't pursue boys because I'm afraid of not getting whatever boy it is I choose to pursue. And I'm always thinking I won't get any boy.
I'm so disappointed in myself for being so afraid. I don't know what to do. |
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| Stay-ology. |
[Sep. 1st, 2006|11:48 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Grass- Animal Collective | ] |
So, last night was fucking fun.
Tonight, not so much. I'm just fucking exhausted. I've been thinking too much and it makes me angry.
I don't know what I do wrong, but I'm good at it, whatever it is.
I haven't taken my medication in about a week. I feel great, no lie.
Oh, and my hair smells really good. I used new shampoo. =P
I have this really lame vision, for my distant or not so distant future, of waking up on a sunny morning, sprawled in bed with a cuddly boy, hair all over the pillow, just laying there. I keep trying to convince myself I'm just out for some ass, which is partly true, but eventually I want more, and I'm really afraid I'm not capable of handling that. Damn. I don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about.
Goodnight. |
|
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| ROFL |
[Aug. 31st, 2006|05:43 pm] |
This is why I love Alex:
alexFERRG: we share men.
alexFERRG: how...pirate like?
alexFERRG: we share the booty ;-) |
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| Now You're There And I'm Here, You're Here And I'm There |
[Aug. 31st, 2006|02:34 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | (random beeps and radio talking) | ] |
Uwchlan Ambulance=all day today?
Dayummm.
At least tomorrow I don't have too much work, so I can see some of yooous.
AIM Triton is dumb.
So are cramps. Ughh.
I need to read. And sleep. I'll go do that soon.
I miss people.
I need to call Amanda. |
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| Baby Girl's A Queen |
[Aug. 30th, 2006|10:06 pm] |
I still fucking like him.
God, I'm so fucking dumb.
No means No.
Sidetracked from my plan.
Dammit.
Anyways, I have been insanely lonely all week. THANK GOD IT'S A HALF DAY TOMORROW. I have to see people. Seriously I've never wanted to go to school so bad.
OH. And I decided I'm having a party. In October. With lots of people I don't know. Mhmmm. Just like the parties I went to?! Ok. Awesome.
Work is so boring.
Boys are so confusing.
Girls are so lame.
I'm so dumb. |
|
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| Rock And Roll, You Ate My Soul |
[Aug. 29th, 2006|11:50 am] |
I am a heartless bitch. >_<
Either that or just super cautious because I'm afraid. Fuck that.
French night next week or the week after? I think Marisa and I had decided on a Saturday night, so everyone will have to make sure they don't have to work!
I work:
3-10 Tuesday
12-8 Wednesday
6-11 Thursday (at UAC)
3-10 Friday
6-10 Saturday
9-2 Sunday.
I reeeeeally want to go to that Black Dahlia Murder show on Sunday, I HAVE to see First Blood! Someone help me find a ride?
I'm so bored and lonely. And it'll be like this all week. Fabulous. |
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| I Don't Want To Hold You And Feel So Helpless |
[Aug. 28th, 2006|09:15 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Loose Lips- Kimya Dawson | ] |
I have given up on boys.
I know I was extremely lame throughout my like, 3 crushes at the end of this summer. But it's over now, I swear. No more dreaming for me!
So everyone started school today. I'm so fucking pissed that I'll be seeing none of you this week. (Except for Rachel, I saw her today! And maybe Britta at work?)
I've been happy lately, but I haven't been caring about anything.
I need someone to come into my life, and create mischief, magic. I want to get hurt so I can know that I still feel. I want to make mistakes and learn from them. I won't follow other people's examples. I want to do things on my own. It's so fucking ridiculous, I feel like I'm getting nothing out of life.
Shit. I'm thinking too much again. |
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| I Don't Want To Smell You And Feel So Senseless |
[Aug. 27th, 2006|08:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  restless | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Lover Man- Billie Holiday | ] |
So, I don't start school this week.
I was thinking "Man, I'm gonna be fucking bored."
But, I'm working about 30 hours at Desert Moon. And volunteering during the day at Uwchlan Ambulance.
So I guess I won't be bored after all.
Exton Diner this week with Rachel & Co. better work out.
Everyone is starting school tomorrow. Damn. Even though I'll be busy, I'll be lonely. Wonderful.
On the subject of lonely, I actually really am. It kind of sucks. I wish I wasn't so crazy sometimes. Things just never work out. I've lost hope in boys. But not in friends! Because my friends are the best. Seriously you guys, what would I do without you?
Oh, and Summer. Since it's ending, I feel I must say some final words: This summer was fucking amazing. California was fun, I won't lie, but I had so much more fun with my friends. This is seriously the first year out here that I have actually felt at home, like I belonged. (STFU I KNOW I'M LAME.) I had some really good firsts this summer, (though not the one I really wanted) and I got a lot closer with the ones that mattered. I feel so cliche saying this, but I fucking love my friends. All of them. I also love all the new people I met. And I actually met a lot of new people! I'm really proud that I was actually social, at least this past week. THREE PARTIES WHERE I HARDLY KNEW ANYONE. THREE. I probably met more people this past week than I did all year. And I'm happy about that. Really happy.
Ok. This has been the lamest post ever. I'm done now! |
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| You Tried To Reach Deep But You Couldn't Get In |
[Aug. 25th, 2006|07:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cranky | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Your Ex Lover Is Dead- Stars | ] |
I don't know why but I'm in a really shitty mood today. I did absolutely nothing but sleep and go out to dinner.
And I also cut my hair a bit shorter in the back. Which was fun, since I'd never done that before.
I really really need to start thinking about my decisions/actions. I think about everything else but that. And I'm afraid I'm going to end up hurting someone, or me, or just me and several other people? Either way, I need to start thinking about that, not stuff that makes me upset.
I have nothing to do tonight. Damn. Someone call me. |
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| Live Through This And You Won't Look Back |
[Aug. 24th, 2006|11:38 pm] |
Albert's party was pretty fun, I must say. I'm really glad I went, I met a lot of new people, and Albert's really nice so it wasn't awkward to just show up.
I left without something though. I'm really lame.
I'll write you a postcard, I'll send you the news. From a house down the street, from real love. |
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| I'm Not Sorry It's Over |
[Aug. 24th, 2006|09:53 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Your Ex Lover Is Dead- Stars | ] |
"You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to say."
I know half the time I'm a mess. Half the time I'm a disaster. But the other half of the time, I'm me, I'm Miriam, some crazy cool chick that nobody knows.
I'm not sad. I'm thoughtful. I think a lot, which is bad for me. But it makes me realistic I think, even though to most it just looks like I'm really pessimistic.
Live through this and you won't look back.
Hopefully I'll be going to a party tonight, but I doubt it.
This weekend should be fun. |
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| So Break Me To Small Parts |
[Aug. 23rd, 2006|02:24 am] |
So, overall very good day. I'll summarize the first part:
Spent the night at Britta's. And FINALLY got some sleep. THANKGOD. (After that trainwreck of a conversation. Ick.)
Woke up, helped her bake for Rachel's party, since I'm domestically challenged in all areas except for vacuuming.
Fight with my mom. Eww.
Rachel's Partaayyyyy= SUPER FUN. AHHH. I'm so glad I went. I met a lot of people, forgot nearly all of their names except for a few. Ha, I'm retarded. But Yeah. It was a lot of awesomely good times.
Then I got home and got online. The end. But I'm happy now!!!
And I HAVE MY FIRST DAY OF WORK TOMORROW.
OMG. |
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| OMFG. |
[Aug. 20th, 2006|03:58 pm] |
IVANNIA GOT A TATTOO.
I'm sosososo jealous. I can't believe her dad let her! AHH. I want one so bad now.
Anyways, Mainstreet tonight with the Ace Gang?? Then Britta's!!
I'm excited, I haven't seen Jeff in over a week!!!!!
More later. |
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| "Find a red car with a noticeable dent." |
[Aug. 19th, 2006|06:26 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | distressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Breathe In- Frou Frou | ] |
Or, a black one.
Yeah, I got in a fucking accident today.
There wasnt a stop sign so I was slowing down for the turn and there was a guy on a bike and a car coming up in the opposite lane behind him so I stopped because the bike guy looked like he was gonna go. And I was being tailgated so the guy behind me hit me.
Fuckfuckfuck.
God I'm dumb.
I'll be laughing about it in like, a day. But today I'm just fucking pissed about it.
I've been listening to way too much Frou Frou lately. Imogen's songs both capture my feelings exactly and make me sad about certain things. Which don't need explaining here. But basically anyone could guess what it's about. Damn.
"I'm high enough from all the waiting to ride away on your inhaling."
Oh god. That's it almost exactly. |
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| Every Color Goes Where You Do |
[Aug. 18th, 2006|08:03 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | boys, friends, misa | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | I'm Happy You're In Love- Frou Frou | ] |
Today was a Mir and Misa kind of day. We like to just chill.
( PHOTOS!! )
In other news, there is no other news. Boys are so fucking indecisive. I want one, I don't want one, I just want a hookup, I want something more. I'm indecisive and impatient. Fucking make a move boy. I hate waiting.
Hmph.
I need a date for Rachel's party. |
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